I like them in black.

I like them in black.

I am really hard on my exercise gear. Seriously, sometimes I work out twice a day. My exercise clothing gets beyond sweaty. That so-called “stink free technology” Athleta was flogging recently is bogus; I stink plenty. The washing machine at my home gets a pretty regular workout, between the smelly clothes and the soaked, rank towels from the gym, the spin, and the trapeze.

Naturally, all this washing is hard on the clothing fibers, for sure. Yes, you can follow the washing directions, but you’re still going to need some hardcore detergent, preferably with Febreze added (I’ve tried it the other way, and the stink re-emerged halfway through workouts. I was a biohazard). Although it’s recommended to air dry your fitness clothing, unless you’re an heiress with one hell of a laundry room, it’s the dryer on low for those togs. Thus, my gear, particularly my exercise tights, lose their girlish laughter fairly quickly.

It becomes all too obvious during an aerial class, when the slightly stretched out tights start shifting around while I’m upside down, or in a split, or basically in any number of absurd positions. They do a fight with the undergarments, and the loser is always me, running to the bathroom to straighten out my business. It’s disruptive, uncomfortable, and the suspense (will it bind or won’t it) makes my aerial tricks trickier than necessary.

Recently, I went out and bought a new pair of regular length, black, regular rise WunderUnder Lululemon tights. I wore them to last week’s advanced trapeze class. It’s not an understatement to admit these new tights were a revelation. They stayed put. Period. They did not move. My butt, thighs, and other bits felt supported, held, even coddled by the thick fabric. They did not stick to the trapeze. The waistband did not wrap around the bar during hip circles. I had no underwear emergencies. It was a totally successful class, and I largely credit my new pants.

Will you pay up for these wonderful WunderUnders? Yes! They will set you back at least one hundred clams. That will feel unreasonable until your exercise performance changes from the lurching Elaine dance of Seinfeld fame to effortless Beyonce strutting, all due to the magic pants. And while these magic pants cost a bundle, they do last quite a while. Pretty much years if you treat them right. It’s just that all my pants are around the same age, and they’re all wearing out at once, creating a feeling of scarcity, panic, and poverty.

The WunderUnders come in a high-rise version as well. I did try these on, but passed because my butt doesn’t need to look any more like it belongs on the Kardasians. Some women do love the high waist look and feel, so go for it if it fits your exercise methods and aesthetic.

Or, buy them for a very, very good friend who will appreciate them. Happy Holidays!