This is a very polite and completely erroneous picture of what happens when you get a lipotropic injection.

This site may say Fem 40 Fitness, but in reality I’m pushing 50. 50 feels markedly different from 40. It’s not just the little aches and pains; I’m lucky that I have very few of those. It’s more the damned weight gain. It started sneaking on a couple of years ago. Is some of it muscle? Maybe, but that extra layer on my mid section goes by the name adipose. It sucks. And I don’t want to go on a diet; I would lose my mind on Whole 30.

I had heard good things about Lipotropic shots (a term which means “fat loving”). Apparently, the amino acids in these shots spur weight loss by assisting in metabolizing fat more efficiently. Of course, there are no scientific studies to substantiate the anecdotal evidence. On the other hand, these shots have been on the market for a while, and there don’t seem to be any negative side effects. It might be all snake oil, but I figure it can’t hurt (well, not any more than a shot in the tush ever hurts) to try it out. Ten weeks, one shot per week, and then see if there’s any difference.

10/9

First shot. I easily get an appointment to get my first shot. I go all out with the Lipotronic V (for Victory, the nurse tells me) shot containing a ton of amino acids. A quick weight check (with shoes on, and yes I’m not happy about the number even though I know it’s not bad) and a blood pressure check (low as usual), and I get the shot in the ass.

Does it work or is it placebo? I’m not sure, but I have the best trapeze class I’ve had in months. Not tired, not jittery, lots of focus. I get through the whole warm up without crapping out. Everything I do goes perfectly. Amazing. I hope it lasts.

Three days in, my workouts are subtly better. I just seem to have more endurance in spin class and push myself harder because I can. My barre class goes better, too: I have greater focus and take fewer breaks.

Of course, this could all still be placebo.

10/14

Went and got another shot. Yes, I know it’s just five days since the last one, but I’m going out of town for a week and wanted to stay on some semblance of a schedule. The office’s scale said I had lost zero pounds, which didn’t really surprise me much. While my workouts seem stronger in the last week, I also haven’t been getting adequate sleep. Last night was no exception: the neighbor’s annoying cat came through our kitty door at around 5am and I had to evict it (our two resident cats were of no assistance here). The experience left me with a scratched up right arm and some raised blood pressure. I didn’t really get back to sleep and I’m tired!

I got the shot after an Advanced Aerial Fitness class (hard, but the instructor, Rick, is hilarious and it goes fast) and a light breakfast with one of my trapeze buddies. Although last week’s injection left me feeling energized, I’m not sure anything short of a rocket boost would have helped me today. I ran a few errands, came back home, and passed out for an hour. So much for “dance, monkey, dance.”

We’ll see what my energy level and appetite is like on vacation this coming week.

I’m definitely full of energy. But, more than that, my mood seems much more even. I know, I’m on vacation. But even then, Trump is still president and I’m still in peri menopause, so my mellow yet alert state seems different. And quite welcome.

10/24

I stumbled off the red eye from Honolulu at 5:45 this morning. White knuckled the cab ride (seriously the most dangerous part of travel), and collapsed with my cats for three hours. I woke up feeling pretty good, even with the interrupted sleep.

Went and got my third shot ASAP. There is still no difference in the terrible number on the scale. I’m not sure I expected one, really, even though I usually lose a little muscle mass. Feeling awake and energetic. Am planning to do a half spin, half yoga class at YAS down the street later. I’ve exercised pretty much every day since getting these shots, so I’d might as well keep it up.

As the week draws to a close, I realize that, even though it’s my PMS terrible week, I’m less terrible. The one time I feel the rage bubble up, I go for a walk and it disappears. This is unusual: normally a walk while enraged wouldn’t occur to me at all.

11/01

Shot number 4! I wear heavy shoes and the scale delivers more crappy news, but I don’t care. I feel pretty good, mood wise, even though my period has just begun. Also feel less bloated, which is weird because last night was Halloween and I ate pizza and a ton of candy and cookies at a party.

In fact, I had an amazing week, both in terms of healthy eating (salads at least once a day) and workouts (sometimes twice a day). My energy level was constant, totally stable. My mood was good, too.

11/07

Shot number 5. The scale tells me I’m down 2.2 pounds, but that could just mean different footwear or not being on my period anymore. However, I do notice a difference around my middle. It’s simply smaller. My butt and thighs, however, have not changed and probably won’t anytime soon.

Mid November

It’s all gone to hell. My spin studio, YAS, is suddenly going out of business. This means no more easy access to spin classes on my unlimited membership. It’s a major disruption, and an emotional one, too. I’ve become friends with some of the instructors. They have lost their jobs. It’s infuriating. It’s also the holidays. Shit.

December

I have continued to get the shots once a week. The scale stays at the same disappointing number. I’ve tried other spin studios, but they are inconvenient and not as enjoyable. I’m still going to circus classes, and I start attending Pop Physique a lot. My body gets tighter and stiffer, but probably not any smaller.

Christmas is here, and there’s a frenzy of baking and treats. Without regular spin, I’m not getting the aerobic workout and accompanying calorie burn. Pop tightens everything up, but I have some bloat on me. I practice some decent control, and manage to enjoy the holidays without totally pigging out.

January 9, 2018

Last weigh in. It’s exactly the same. Plus, I’m sick with an awful cold. I opt out of the expensive Lipotropic shots (they have run their course) and start getting straight up B12 shots instead. Those show some good mood elevating and stabilizing effects for peri menopause.

The Verdict

So do these shots work? I say no. Even with the exercise routine disruption, I kept exercising regularly. I ate reasonably, even during the Christmas Cookie Fest. I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose anything, either.

I have friends who’ve been eagerly awaiting my results. I’m so sorry to disappoint them, but lipotropic shots are a bust.